This is officially the 5Th draft of this post. Why? because I wasn't quite clear about what I wanted to express. I have been struggling with many different emotions about My current weight state. I have thought about many things and have come to some real evaluations and decisions about my path I am on.
I created this blog for accountability for myself and also, I hoped that reading my struggles and growth, would help someone out there like me going through the same things to overcome them, and realize that this is what REAL weight-loss is, not celebrity quick fix. As for the accountability, FAIL! I am sad to announce that after weighing myself this morning, I am THE HEAVIEST I have EVER been (without pregnancy). 160 smack-a-roos.!!! I can feel it, and my clothes can too! nothing fits except my work out clothes and even those are getting a little snug. How did this happen right? I take at least 2 hard core classes at the gym, and get at least 2 more days of cardio in a week. I have an active job too.. so how? I know how, I've always known it, I just never wanted to do anything about it. EATING! I LOVE everything bad for me. and somehow I thought that if I killed it in the gym and ate those things in moderation (by my standard) that I would be OK and break even...not so obviously.
I was watching The Revolution on TV the other day, and the trainer stated it very clearly for me. If you don't WANT to loose weight, you WON'T! Simple as that. I tell myself that I want to loose weight and tone up, but obviously I really don't or I would have by now. I mean, I'm not extremely over weight. My weight isn't unhealthy or life threatening, so why would I really want to loose it? This is something I'm still thinking about.. I am still not sure if I have decided I really WANT to, but because my clothes aren't fitting I know I need to or I will go bankrupt buying size 12's instead of fitting into my size 10's.
I have thought about deleting this blog as well.. I haven't really committed to it, like I thought I would. Pattern? maybe. but after working out with a girlfriend tonight, and talking about it, I have come to another conclusion. I try to write this blog to entice people to read it. I have no clue if anyone is reading this or not. I will wait for some unique cool thought to happen in my head then try to be a real interesting writer. I have to remember why I created this thing... ACCOUNTABILITY!! So I'm going to try to reverse the hypocrisy I have created with myself and really use this as an online journal. hopefully I will log my days food and activity every night. I'm told this way you can really see what you are eating and doing and its more likely you will stick to it..
This isn't going to be an easy journey. I have many things working against me. A husband who has to eat everything, kids who need more than raw veggies and tofu and a very busy job that doesn't really allow me to eat every 3-4 hours. I'm going to have to figure some things out. Wish me luck, and good luck to you.. Here's to Dropin' Poundage... For REAL!
