Well it's that time of year when everyone evaluates their lives and decides what areas they want to change. Then we all make "promises" or as we call it "resolutions" to change them. I have yet to meet one person, including myself who actually follows through with their beginning of the year change. It is this reality that has fueled my thoughts today. Actually, I can't lie and say that for the past few years, I put on my big girl pants and publicly announce that I won't make a resolution, but in my head and to myself, I make one. I do this because 1) I don't want the people around me to see me fail. 2) deep down I know that I WILL evidently fail. And 3) I don't want to seem like a bandwagon jumper. But alas, every year I always am, and I'm sure not as secretly as I like to tell myself.
Let me start by saying that I will not mean for this post to seem like a downer. In fact I am a bit empowered putting this out in cyber space for all to read. This is my public resolution that I will turn into a Tina Newton Revolution. Let me start by defining the two words as to better explain my thoughts: A RESOLUTION is defined as: A firm decision to do or not to do something". and A REVOLUTION is defined as: A dramatic and wide-reaching change in the way something works or is organized.".. So you see a resolution is a decision to make a change, but a revolution is the action.
Time to get personal.... I know that my family and friends love me and see the best in me, which I deeply cherish and appreciate. However, I must be real with myself before I can expect anyone else to. I am a chronic starter, but a terrible finisher. Many define me as an entrepreneur, or as some of my close friends, a "wonder Mom" for doing so many things. Yes it's true I DO A LOT of things.I can't really sit still, and I can't remember the last time I had a day where my 'to-do' list wasn't constantly running through my head. Some are essential to our lives here on earth, but a lot of them are time fillers that sometimes in all honesty, stress me out.
My husband and I had a conversation the other day about the word STRESS. I just eventually had to look it up, because my definition and his definition were opposite. The actual definition of stress is: A state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances. I'm sure all of you can think of one thing that 'stresses' you out. But my husband said something to me that really made me sit back and pout for a while but then made me think. " Stressing out is pointless. You choose to be stressed" After my inner tantrum because he wasn't stroking my ego and making me feel better, I realized he was right. What was stressing me out? Money? Chores? my weight? the screaming baby on my hip? Yes.Yes. Yes. And Yes. Plus a gazillion more things that I let creep into my thoughts and take over my mental calm and happiness. I LET them. I choose to let my 'to-do' list takeover my thoughts, and time. So much so, I am rarely present during my time with my kids, or the quiet times in the evening. I miss reading books to my kids because I am always to busy trying to knock that list down. While my family is relaxing the living room, I am somewhere else DOING something, and simultaneously thinking about how the next thing on my list needs to be done.
Stress was defined as strain and tension, would you want to live with someone who is always strained or tense? Me either.
I don't play, or let loose anymore. in fact I'm pretty UNFUN if there is a word. I can't seem to just... be. I can't enjoy this moment because I am to busy planning the next one. I can't really learn from something because I'm already trying to guess the next lesson. I don't have "relaxing" Saturdays or evenings because I am always planning something to fill that time. Do you see the theme? I am ALWAYS doing, thinking, planning and stressing. I am always away from where I need to be, either mentally or physically.
After some much needed understanding, admitting and just being real with myself I know what I want to do this year... nothing.
Thanks for reading and Happy Dropin'. stay tuned for part 2.
